I am so confused by my self

That moment you are not sure you and your SO are ready for a baby to come along but yet when you start your period it feels like you lost another month an time is slipping away from you. Yea that's how I feel. me and my SO are engaged the 2nd time around but it seems like every time he gets that engagement ring on my finger the only thing we do is fight! We were doing so well! Even thinking out baby names and loving life with my first and only child who is Turing three. Then we are back to drifting apart. I know we love each other we just grew up so different and are like air to a fish. We have great moments together and then a long period of fighting then like a long period of just pure love and getting along... We are if that fighting stage again... And it sucks. And this time i feel like he is not even trying to get back out of it... What do I do!? I know I am mouthy I say what on my mind and i let him know how I feel. I spent a marriage biting my tongue and holding back tears and now i can't keep my mouth shut for the life of me. I can't hide my feelings no matter how hard i try. I just burst and then he gets mad and Grr all over. And he acts like he does not get anything I say so I have to repeat myself til I just feel like it does not matter how I feel. So yes at times I don't know if we could handle a baby when we can't handle each other but I want a baby before my three year old grows too old to connect with a sibling. Any one else out there in the same boat I could use a friend