I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant rn, I'm only about a week in- but my mother is a nurse and managed to find me a cancelled appointment to get an abortion today. Im really scared...

I'm doing it by medicated miscarriage and I'm genuinely shitting myself it's so fucking scared.

I'm in the hospital now, my appointment is in a couple minutes but the nurse told me because of a certain thing going with another thing in my body in particular it's going to hurt quite a lot. Like scale of 1 to 10, 1 being nothing 10 being excruciating it's going to be a 7.

It's only for about a day but whatever, my question is :

Why does my boyfriend tell me 'he needs time' when I told him that I need him more than ever atm? I'm about to 'kill' something we made together and he doesn't seem to see how this is going to fuck me up mentally. I'm way too young for kids and the fact I'm about to kill something that could've potentially been my child is heartbreaking.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to keep it, I want to get rid of it but thinking about it all makes me so sad...

Why doesn't my boyfriend understand I need him? Now more than ever?

He's never usually like this, I showed him the pregnancy tests I took that were very positive (dunno how, only a week in) and he's been veeeeerry distant ever since. Why is that? It was an accident by the way, the condom broke and I took ellaOne (morning after pill) and it obviously didn't work..