(OBGYN experience) TMI

Well, it's been a while since I've been to the OBGYN clinic. (I'm still a virgin by the way.) Anyway, I wasn't that nervous because i remember my experience with my doctor a few years back. (Back in high school) I was told that when we turn 18yo we need to see an OBGYN doctor. Well, 5 years later, still a virgin, not nervous and very confident. On the table, when my doctor start examing my breast and the my pelvic. Which is normal, but when he was between my legs and kept telling me to open wider. I got even my nervous. So he put some lube (lots of lube) on me, and trying to fit the spectrum inside me. Omg!! It hurts!!!! 😢😢 it wouldn't go in. He kept pushing and telling me to relax, but it hurt so much and I couldn't relax. So he sat the spectrum aside and finger me. Omg!!! It freaking hurts!! He twirled his finger inside me to stretch me, but it hurts so much that I couldn't even breath. I was holding tight to my gown with both hand. The nurse was trying to distract me, but I couldn't concentrate. (By the way, the doctor fingers is huge and long.) He shove his whole finger in me. From tip to the knuckle. I was about to cry because it hurts. Then he pull out and trying to insert the spectrum inside me again, but it wouldn't go in. He have to use two finger this time and stretch me, again. Then he pull out and shove the spectrum inside me. I didn't scream, but I jump a little bit and i felt tears coming down my face. That's when he spread the spectrum wide. I swear to God! I thought I was going to died. My inside hurts so bad. I could only remember trying to come myself and hearing him saying it's almost done. He's looking my cervic and he push my pelvic down and push the spectrum a little inside. I felt myself teared. And then when he pulled out, it felt like it was still in there. I wiped myself (there was smear of blood on the tissue) and did an consultation with him, I left. I couldn't sit for the rest of the day. I'm not planning on going back for another year. I was having lunch with my ex. He wanted to get back together, but I don't want too because he wanted sex and marriage. I want that too, but I'm very, very, very nervous and he don't get that. Anyway, during lunch I received a call from the clinic and said that my result (forgot to mention, I did a blood drawn) is here and the doctor wanted to see me again. I was so nervous and my ex asked me if I was okay and if it's a good thing. I laugh it off and said it was good, but idk. I didn't want to tell him because it's embarrassing. Would y'all tell your bf, so, or whomever about your visit to the OBGYN? Let me know, please.

Thank you for listening! I'm sorry it's so long!