Do you ever get over it?

My first love/relationship was a DDLG relationship. I was 15-17. We never actually had sex but my daddy always knew what to say/do to turn me on and keep me happy. Now I'm 23 and married to the most wonderful man I ever met. Only thing is, I am such a sub. And he has no idea what to do to really get me going. We have talked about it a ton in the last 4 years, but he feels that being a dom is uncomfortable bc he feels like he isn't loving me. He sometimes will tell me to suck him, but that's it. Just recently he started to choke me but it's like once a month and he doesn't "get" spanking. The few times he has tried he hits so hard and then doesn't know/think to provide after care. I'm thinking we will never quite get to where I want to be. Sex is still great, but it doesn't turn me on like foreplay with my ex used to. Has this happened to anyone else?? Do you ever get over it?