dear "dad"

i went out of my way at 16 to contact you...i believed every story, everyline of how you weren't ready to deal with the craziness of my grandparents and it was such a believable lie. i tried to understand. i tried to believe you were a good guy, and for a while i did. then i got older. i grew up. i quit doing stupid childish things but you and your wife didnt. i met a man who i immediately had a connection with, who was with me often, and who accidentally said he loved me after a couple months. he and i had a baby, we got married. i invited you. i wanted you there. i asked for you and my mothers husband (the man who ive called my father since i was 5) to BOTH give me away. i wanted a relationship so badly. i called, i asked to come over, i tried so hard to make time for everyone. i defended you when others slammed your name. then my husband and i moved out of state and you never called, you never answered my texts. your wife said she never had my number when id given it to her many times. i lost sleep. you never tried to reach out. you and i were friends on facebook but you never sent a message, you have my moms number too. now were back home, and i find myself looking for you.. i see your car, i see your other children and your wifes children. i watch you invite them over but not even try to communicate with me. i found myself searching faces the other day....and i found you, but you didnt even notice me. some days it hurts, others im so angry. but most days i just want to know, why did you abandon me twice.