To the love of my life

Now I really envy the heavens because they hold two hearts yours and my baby. I know you'll hold her for me and watch her for me and fight my family for her to have her by your side everyday and I know that they will give you all the time in the world with her because it would be what I wanted and how could they possibly keep away the only thing you have thats mine. I wish I was there with you two its hard being here but I have to continue to stay strong for the boys. I miss you so much only you would understand why these things happen the way they do and I know you'd be by my side telling me its ok and to try again. I want to see you and hear you. Its horrible what happened but still I know its was all part of GODS plan. How can this man look at me and blame me for the things that happened when he had so much to do with it, I wish he had your heart and temperament how can he blame me when he had so much to do with it. Telling someone you love them and then disappearing for a week, the stress itself is enough to harm anyones body especially at a time like this. Its hard to keep moving forward after everything thats happened and all the things that were said his words cut so deeply and losing you took all my strength I don't have much of a voice or a back bone anymore and the only times I have fight in me is when it comes to the boys. It gets harder and harder to just get out of bed the years go by and the grief just gets worse. I have to get ready for work now, will you give my baby a kiss and tell her I'm sorry and that I tried my best.