There are two emotions I feel for you. I'll summarize them as best I can:

FUCK YOU.

&

Meh, you might have actually helped me.

Why did you have to be so condescending? Why couldn't you just talk to me like a normal, adult human? Why did you constantly treat me harsher than literally EVERYONE else? Where was the grace, the forgiveness, the "process" as you always talked about? As soon as I made a mistake, you threw it in my face and punished me. Why not treat me like the girls?

But on the other hand, I have to thank you. You spoke up for my wishes against my parents (although it hardly worked, and you spent most of the time arguing as passive aggressively as possible with my dad) and you sympathized with what I going through. You reminded me that I wasn't alone. You let me cry to you, and you never made me feel like I was crazy, even when I was afraid I was.

I guess everyone has two sides. Yours just happens to be the complete opposite of each other and I never know which version of you I'll get. But all in all, you helped me save my own life, so for that I'm eternally grateful.

Btw, I loved your hair color so much that I dyed mine to match, so I hope that boosts your self-esteem ☺️