Just Feeling Lost After Many Losses and Stillbirth


I honesty don't know where to start. But I'll try to keep this post as short as I can. I am not great at speaking about my emotions and a little afraid of pushing my significant other away. We have had a rough couple of years. 2014, I had my first MC I knew of with a guy I was with for 4 years. Shortly after found out I had PCOS. My father died in 2015 in a freak accident.. And my bio. mom just passed away from cancer a month and a half ago. On top of all of this I found out I was pregnant this passed winter with my current fiancé. We found out at 5 months that our little girl Arriyah was severely sick with a rare condition. At the end of my pregnancy there was no longer a heartbeat, I delivered immediately. She was born a month ago. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to mentally and physically do. After many tests and speaking with a genetic counselor we found out I have a chromosome deletion and also have Leei-Weil syndrome I passed down to my daughter. I have a 50% of continuing to pass this Syndrome down in future pregnancies. I'm crushed and at a loss, but have no choice but to continue. I would love to try again immediately because it seems like the only thing that can not replace but repair my heart. I have never been good with talking about my emotions and find myself going through many, and getting angry at my fiancé who is a truck driver. I realized I am showing signs of Postpartum Depression. Now I'm also so afraid that having PCOS won't allow me to even get pregnant again. It was so difficult this last time, and I thought we finally had our girl. I would just love to have some good news..

I'm so sorry for the book. I realized I haven't talked to anyone and just really needed to vent, as I'm so afraid of pushing my other half away:/

Our princess 👑💖