Military bf left me
I'm going to start from the very beginning. I met him 3 years ago on an app called hot or not. At the time we were only 15 so obviously we were just gonna stay friends. Now he's 18 and I'm about to turn 18. I have 1 kid from an abusive relationship. In the past I've always had shitty relationships with people who dragged me down. Anyways. When I met this guy I had some kind of feelings. A little crush. When we went our separate ways after meeting he texted saying how he wanted to kiss me. I wanted to also but we had just met. We became very good friends. But after a while we stop talking for no reason and I messaged him again cause I saw his name in my contacts. We talk for a while and I realize I still have feelings so I tell him. He said he was in a relationship. I respected that and left it alone . We stop talking again . After a while we talk. But then stop because I had gotten into a toxic relationship and he didn't wanna get into all the drama. It was the relationship where I got pregnant. But he stopped talking to me bc my ex had texted him telling him to back off or he'll do something to him. I forget about him because I'm focusing on my baby. I had graduated school early mainly cause I was scared of people judging. Somehow I don't remember who started the conversation but we started talking once again. We were both single. Just getting out of relationships a month before . I still had feelings for him. We hung out a lot more. Almost everyday. I tell him I had feelings. He felt the same way. We start dating. He is also in the military bc it runs in his family. Almost everyone has joined and what's crazy is a lot of people in my family did too. He has goals. He wants to b successful and I want that too. He was such a perfect boyfriend. He treated me right. My family loved him. I start thinking we were meant to be because of all the signs. He tells me he thinks he's falling in love with me. I knew I loved him. After a month or so he tells me how he can't be in this relationship while he's deployed bc he doesn't want me to worry about him and he needs to stay focused. That killed me but I understood . And I knew that it would make him happier so I said I would wait for him. That's when I really knew I loved him. In the last I'd practically beg my exes to stay with me but now I'm willing to wait for him. A couple weeks before we broke up we had sex. Unprotected . I know that was completely stupid. Now my boobs hurt and I get cramps. My periods are irregular. They come every other month. My next one won't come for another month or so. If it does. I talked to him about us how I miss him but he says he's not a good guy and I never understood that. He said he got back with his ex. They dated for 9 months before me and they only broke up because she moved away but she came back. That broke me into a million pieces . Because I saw myself with him in the future. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Like I said I really thought we were meant to be. He told me he had feelings for me while we dated it's just hard for him. He told me she is going to move where he goes when he goes over seas. I tell him I could possibly be pregnant and he says he doesn't want a baby at 18 . He starts talking about adoption. I can't give up a baby after keeping one when I got pregnant at 16 . One day he'll find us maybe and he'll hate me knowing I kept another baby when I was even younger. I start thinking of abortion. Even though I'm against abortion. I also think that if i get an abortion God would punish me. So I talk to my mom and she supports whatever I decide. I start thinking about keeping the baby. He told me it would ruin his future. But I'd be so broken if I didn't have this baby. (If I'm pregnant) he came to see me the other day and we talked about a lot of stuff. I asked him what he would want me to name her. If he still wanted me to call her Kiera or not. like we had talked about before. *we never talked about having a baby together . We were talking about if he ever had a girl** he said if it's a girl (he smiled at his part) that he'd want me to name her Kiera still. And he'd help me out when he can. Even though he's not completely on board with me having his baby. He's my absolute best friend. I want him to be happy. Even though I'm not part of that happiness . He also told me that he wants to go on active duty and he'd be gone for a long time. Years straight. It makes me feel dead inside. Knowing I won't see him for a very long time. Knowing he loves someone else. All of it is just so hard for me. He wants us to stay friends for sure 100% and I'm happy in general with that. It's better than not having him in my life at all. And I pray everyday that he'll be ok when he gets deployed. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to wait for him. It's just so hard for me to believe that God would show me someone so beautiful. Inside and out. And then rip him out of my life.. I'm telling you this because I want everyone's opinion . What should I do about it all?