I used to be vegan


Last year for a month I was vegan I didn't eat any animal products. What I didn't realize was for a month I didn't look at myself in the mirror once. I just starred down at the sink brushed my teeth and hair and out it up in a mess bun. Each day my meals got less and less of food in them since I didn't like beans. Which was a good source of protein. I got food poisoning from trying dairy-free yogurt one day. Weeks past and for the first time in a months I weighed myself. I starred at that number for a good minute. 94 pounds. I had lost 9 pounds after already being naturally underweight with a fast metabolism and only being 5"6. I ran to the mirror took off my shirt and pants. And in nothing but my underwear starred at the stranger in the mirror. For weeks I ignored that I was always hungry and that my ribs would hurt. What I saw in the mirror horrified me I screamed and cried and hid myself out of the view of that mirror. I had cheek bones, visible ribs, my wrist were very boney, my ankles were too, my calfs and thighs were very skinny and my arm, my back had more ribs showing, and my hips were very visible. I cried so much that night. I told my mom. She said if i didn't stop doing this to myself I would be sent to a mental hospital by her. I just wanted to save those poor animals killed in such cruel ways for food. I'd bully myself every day that month calling me a murder for even thinking about eating animal products. I'd get sick if I even saw one. I tried to gain weight back but I kept loosing it. My mother forced me to eat chicken that night. I cried. I tried being vegetarian only eating chicken that were free-range. I still wouldn't gain back the weight and maintain a healthy weight. So I stopped. I'm now eating animal products again I'm still ashamed I do so. I still am unhealthy and underweight and look boney no matter how much I eat. I may have cheek bones and a thigh gap but at what cost? I wish I could find a better way to be vegan and not get so skinny. Till I find that way I am a very skinny and boney 15 year old who can't maintain a weight on any diet without being underweight. :