Is this disrespect or waaaa
So my boyfriend of 3 years is fantastic and I love him so much. He is the sweetest guy and treats me really well he is like a cuddle machine and is sensitive. I love it,
The set back is I was grown up in a lds(Mormon) life style full of a lot of "dont do that"&"if people do that its bad". I since have come away from the teachings and am I am trying to teach myself about good and bad and have my own opinions. I also grew up in a more holistic healthy family btw.
My boyfriend grew up in a no values and no structure home, his parents weren't around he was pretty much raised by his brother and friends till he got to high school but than didn't have respect for his mother (who is very unhealthy mentally and physically). My boyfriends habits that started when he was young was hookah, weed, and drinking. Even though he is now 19 and out of high school he still smokes an ECiG, smokes weed multiple times a day and drinks occasionally (when a good party comes around).
I love him to death but growing up how I did I don't really like the health aspect of ecigarettes I think they are addicting and the smoke is bothersome. He smokes weed everyday but even though I understand that marijuana can have some positive effects I think I can be used too much and someone can be addicted to the feelings they get. He has told me that he uses it for appetite, and sleep aids. Which I understand. But I feel like that isn't the case anymore, The drinking isn't an issue it doesn't happen often so I don't see abuse of it. But he does have unhealthy habits with drinking a lot a lot of soda, and eating alot of food and not healthy food.
With the weed he says he smokes it less than he used too. But I have asked him to please not smoke or be high around me unless we are with friend in most cases I won't care. I just feel like he is not being his genuine self when he is high, and it's illegal in my state. But I find him doing it anyways even though I tell him how much it hurts that he isn't listening or giving any mind to what I am asking. I just feel unimportant and not valued. I would even appreciate him to talk to me but he won't have a conversation if I ever bring it up he says "i like it" and shuts down thinking I'm attacking him. I love him and I understand he uses it I just don't want him to do it so much. I don't know how I'll feel in 10 years but it's how I feel right now.
He also has unhealthy habits of smoking his ecig aloooot he used to play it off that he would only do it around his friend cause they were doing it. But now he does it all the time I think he is addicted. I went crazy one day and tried to hide it, (I told him where writhing 10 minutes) because he was acting super crazy saying he needs it and he will just buy another one and that I couldn't seriously be hiding it.
He also eats poorly and eats a lot of it, I would never stop him from eating unhealthy but I've let him know it worries me. And with how much soda he drinks I just have decided to not ever buy him dark soda. He can buy what ever he wants but I don't want to support the dark soda.
You may think this is controlling but I just want him to love his best and healthiest life and I don't think addiction should be anywhere in it.
I feel ignored in our relationship, and not valued by him, he will just tell me he loves me and he is so sweet I know he loves me but can you love someone and not respect them because I feel like he doesn't respect me?
Even the other day I got on his phone and he had tabs of porn open, it broke my heart. I know some people are okay with it, but I am not at all but he did it in secret and said "I was horny", he knows that I think porn can be degrading and that I feel like it's cheating but he did it anyways. He deleted his history after which I struck me as odd, but he said he "only" watched it once a month, and that he won't anymore. But I don't trust him I feel so disrespected and the porn put me over the edge. He was doing things like watching (from what I remember seeing for a second, before confronting and him taking the phone) was cream pies, anal stuff and just a lot a lot of pages were open. I'm not okay with a lot of the things he looked up, expecially because I am not a person that is comfortable enough to do anal. I just don't feel sexy around him. I don't feel like I'm anything special and now my confidence is gone in the bedroom. I've never vaginally came after 3 years I know that isn't so uncommon but I just feel sad about it and feel like he doesn't care. It was already low because he is a "premature ejaculator" is what he says but I am wondering if it's because he is getting to focused on his orgasm and essentially has porn goggles on and doesn't see it as an intimate act of love like me but rather "cause he is horny". and I tell him how unhappy I am when I feel disrespected and all he says is he loves me. He said he will stop porn, but ignores everything else. I just don't know am I being controlling? Am I approaching him wrong? Am I just not enough for him? I know you shouldn't change your self to be in a relationship so I've tried to under stand him, but what about me and what I am comfortable with? I don't know. I just need someone to talk to cause he won't talk to me.
We have been through so much and have been learning about each other and have made mistakes and are learning. I love him and want to have this relationship be a healthy one .