Out of shape

My boyfriend is all about living a healthy, very active lifestyle.

Before him I had a son 3 years ago and ever since I've been about 20-30 lbs overweight.

Last night he told me that I'm "out of shape" and that if I worked out more I would be sexier. He didn't say those words exactly he just thinks I need to workout more. Saying that America is too soft and that yes, I'd be more attractive if I put more time into my body.

I already have struggled with issues about self confidence since I was in high school (mind you I was a size 3 back then and perfect.) I've always have a bigger butt, wife hips, and skinny waist. My thighs have always been big. Right now I'm 5'4" and I weigh about 148lbs.

Ive asked him to help me start going to the gym to get over my gym anxiety and gym self consciousness and teach me a few things, and he said he will add me to his membership this weekend because I could go everyday after work because it's so close.

But I just literally hate my body. I can't look in a mirror. I want the fat and the disgusting jiggling everything to go away.

I'm really struggling right now.