My relationship is very much complicated. It would take me for-ev-er to explain it all but recently and (my) the mail problem we're having is trust. When I was pregnant with our daughter I got told by a female he went to school with he was cheating with her and two other girls, from just dates to sex with 2 of them. I didn't believe her I mean I'm supposed to be loyal to him but when he didn't confirm NOR deny it.. that's where my doubts came in. He's the "believe what you want, I don't have time for that" kind of guy. Not too long later when he finally moved to where I was (I had gotten out of the army and moved back to my home state while he stayed to finish school) he assured me nothing went on with anyone. I dropped it. Then out of the blue me and him just went south and I "caught" him on the phone with someone who didn't sound like a friend or family at 12am. That night I bought a voice recorded then got it the next day and hid it in my car. Every night he'd go outside in the car and spend hours on the phone and listening to music. He claims he knew it was in there so he was toying with me.. but it confirmed cheating (in the exact same way he stayed it happened months later when he confess to what happened) (oh and with one of the same girls I was warned about mind you) and just hurtful things about me. Fast forward again I have her number from him and told him pretty much delete her from your life. I'm a shy and passive ("doormat") but when I blow up I'm just emotional and ballsy. I didn't know when or if I was ever going to contact her but just the fact I got her number made me feel strong. Fast forward again, he didn't delete her, he doesn't count head as cheating but he a knowledges he hurt me and he did but he didn't bend over backwards trying to fix me, is, or the trust. Now I lit have ptsd every time he's on his phone or goes outside. Now he's a stay at home dad so I know he's not physically physically doing anything but he still could be. And it's like every time I turn around it's something different. He's talking to females I don't know after I told him all my concerns and I'm still angry, insecure, hurt, jealous (all of this new). Now he does come in at decent times now but for me it's still not enough. I don't want to keep bringing up the past bc after I filed for divorce we agreed not to go through with it a few months after but I'm still wired. I check his phone, which only consists of me checking notifications bc I don't have passwords, and now even that crap is turned off from the lock screen! Like wtf. We're pregnant again but now I'm starting to question this baby and my relationship. I resent him more and more everyday and I have no clue what to do. I've been with him, married, for almost 4 years so I don't want to throw things away. I dragged out the divorce I filed for anyway but now.. was that the right move? He's smug and nonchalant in general but right now I just want to deck him in the face. Part of me is scared of start over with 2 kids and a difficult ex cause I'm sure he will be when it comes to another guy and his kids but it's like.. I'm not happy 100% fight it out and give us a chance or walk away? I'm so tired and hurting.