We've been on and off for a year and half. We had a talk about waiting to have kids. Reason being because we didn't want to struggle to get things ready for a baby and we wanted to wait for our relationship to be stronger. Now he's gone and tomorrow I make 15 weeks. I'm sad and depressed and I don't know how I'm going to make it. I have a 5 year old daughter who I share time with her dad. Now I will be a mother of two to two separate men. I am scared and both of them did not deserve to have kids. I feel like a failure. My mother looks down upon me for being a struggling mom. I'm scared to tell her that I'm pregnant bc when I was pregnant with my first she didn't speak to me for months. I feel like I've let myself down. I have so many problems and soo many things to do that I don't know where to begin. Everything requires money I don't have and on top of that my job won't give me a raise and my apartment is 500 sq ft. I'm scared and I feel lost. I've thought of committing suicide a handful of times. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I want life to be over but at the same time I know I have to be strong. I always find myself worrying and having anxiety attacks. I don't know how I will get my baby stuff and idk where I will move or where I will place my baby to sleep when he or she is born. I feel helpless and I'm praying for a miracle that I feel will never come. I just want to be loved by the person that loved me when this baby was being made. I find myself crying a lot and stressing out all the time. I know this isn't good for the baby but I can't help it. I feel alone with no one to talk to and I just wish things would finally turn around.