I hate going in to my own home because being here just aggravates my anxiety. I've been easily stressed out and overwhelmed since I was a kid, but thankfully I'm awesome at time management (for example, when I was going to college full time, I organized my class schedules, homework schedule, and work schedule around my sleep schedule so that I never got less than 9 hours a night).

However, I just can't seem to keep on top of everything now. My man has always been sickly and now his health is deteriorating faster, so he needs to relax as much as he can when he isn't working (part time). Which means I work full time and need to take care of the house pretty much all on my own.

We currently have three kittens (keeping one, the other two are going to loving homes in about a month). But they have fleas. So on top of the usual house mess, the kittens LOVE making more messes and the fleas are in the carpets now too. I simply don't have time to flea bomb the place until next week.

AND an old cat we had used to pee everywhere. I can clean the carpets with a good vinegar, soap and baking soda solution but it takes a long time and a lot of effort. And I don't want to do that until after we get rid of the fleas, otherwise they'd be biting me all over while I'm trying to scrub the carpets. Oh, and the worst thing about this is that our neighbor is a snooty jerk and he keeps leaving flower scented sprays and stuff by our front door. This just makes me feel even worse about the place.

Plus, our mattress dramatically dips in on my man's side and the box spring is broken too. It took us a year to save up for a new mattress and box spring last time. So it's not like we can just go get this fixed right away.

And my man never wants to eat at the table anymore so there's constantly trash and dirty dishes in our bedroom.

I just came from my brothers house. His wife is a stay at home mom with three kids and their house is pristine! It's like walking into a magazine home! Their beds are perfect and have tons of pillows with big fluffy blankets and beautiful bed frames, and gorgeous furniture, beautiful carpets and hardwood flooring, the place is always clean and always smells amazing. I just wish my house looked even half as good as theirs.

I just can't do it all and I feel like I'm drowning 😣