toxic relationship and cheating

so I'm mainly posting this to vent.. I've been with this guy for about 10 months now. I've known him my entire life. we grew up very close and our families are very close as well. when we got together, I was not ready for any sort of relationship. I had just got out of a two year relationship but decided to try.. from the beginning, it wasn't a relationship I wanted. I tried very hard to work towards it anyway to make our families happy. (I know, big mistake.) slowly, i did begin to enjoy my time with him. I figured I just needed time. before we got together officially he was always suicidal or threatened his life when I wouldn't date him. (I know. another mistake.) but again, being me I figured he just needed time to mature. as the relationship continued he became very controlling. I was not able to have any sort of guy friend. even gay ones šŸ˜‘ I would dress nice for him on days I would go to his house and he would say "that's not easy access". so I cheated. I have fallen madly in love with a man who treats me like pure royalty. is it wrong for me to love another man? I have tried to leave but the suicidal threats scare me.. I plan on talking to his parents dispite the fact they might hate me after.. I honestly just don't see myself marrying this guy. it's great that we remained life long friends and I hate to upset our family but I don't feel like it should be more than that. he's very childish unlike the other man. & he definitely does not show as much love. maybe I'm just selfish? but I need to be treated like I'm special. not like just another girl. & I definitely need someone who won't sit on their ass while I'm working. but thats a whole other rant.