THIS IS WAY TOO LONG AND ID GET HATE FOR THIS BUT...

we started working at the same company so we've known each other for like 4 months now and see each other at office everyday. at first, i never really liked him in a romantic way. im 21 and just got out of a long term relationship that time we started at work and he just turned 31 and everybody knows hes married for 4 years but been with her for like 10 years now has a 6 year old daughter. he was always just a friend to me. hes a drummer for this local band so our office friends would watch when they have shows so eventually ive became friends with his band and old friends too. until mid july for fucking goodness' sake office friends went to have a little drink like we usually do and he'd be driving and dropping us off one by one and id always been the last because my house is the closest to his and we've been carpooling with friends all the time before but this one particular night i was tipsy and about to get out of the car in front of my house and he kissed me and we made out and end up in a hotel room. It was the first time and i swear to god i never thought he has any sort of special feelings for me because i look at him before as a big brother. After that day i texted him that we should just forget about it and that it was nothing and maybe we were just drunk and to never let anyone know and just pretend it didnt happen because it was wrong and one hell of a mistake. After that day we're still friends like usual but we knew we have some sort of special feelings now but we were always talking openly about his wife. About how he felt that after being with her for a long time, he still love her, but the spark has gone and is only staying because theyre married a has a kid but theyre not fighting either. Theyre just kind of parenting together. And we made it clear that we'll never be more than friends with benefits because I dont want him to ruin his family and we both agreed to that. Turns out he always had a crush on me since the day we started at work. Says he likes my company because despite of my age, i think like a 26 year old grown woman but still knows how to have fun at the same time. And that I always understood where he's coming from and supportive with his family. And i like him because hes so responsible with his family specially with his daughter like youd know hed do anything for her and hes so nice with his mom and sister and his wife and the way he treats women in general or people in general and everybody likes him and so business minded. I just think that if im gonna get married someday, hes the kind of guy id want. Right now were still having sex regularly and would go out and get a drink or two. So i dont know, really. Im not trying to ruin his family or to take him away from his wife or anything. I know exactly where i stand and my limitations and all that shit