Hate myself for having anxiety

I need help to try and rebuild relationships with my partners family and also stop hating myself for my past.

I struggled a bit with anxiety and depression shortly after I got together with my bf of 5 years. This made building relationships with his family extremely hard and I think they thought I was really rude. When the truth was I was just so anxious about saying something silly, wrong or embarrassing myself I wouldn't say very little. No matter how often I was around them, I couldn't get comfortable. I convinced myself they hated me (I thought everyone hated me). One example would be when my bfs youngest niece was born. We went to see the baby and as always I was extremely anxious but I genuinely wanted to visit this new bundle of joy so made myself go. I got there and barely said a word. Didn't even say congratulations. I managed to muster a 'how are you doing' to my bfs sister- I had been with my bf 3 years by this point so I couldn't even use the 'nervous because we didn't really know each other'

Now I have i under control I'm 98% back to my normal self, however I can't stop hating on my self for being this way. How they must of thought I was so rude and so quiet when that's far from it. It's definitely affected my relationship with them and I know that if I had just been my normal self from the start we would have gotten on fine and It certainly wouldn't have taken 4 years.