I am so done ...I have lost all of my passion and every day I wake up feeling worthless. I put a smile on my face and fake it and try because I know people around me are tired of hearing I am tired or I am sore because my body seriously hurts from being so sad. Go to therapist ? Well that would be great if all the therapist through Kaiser weren't booked out for one month straight every time I call. I used to have so many passions and used to read but now I can't even manage to get through a page . I feel so stupid, and lonely . I have the most amazing husband and family yet I can't even wake up feeling good about myself. I used to love life and now all I do is feel like a burden and I feel like I am suffocating . I can't get a head with family or work. I feel like nothing I do will ever be right . Nothing . The only thing that helps is crying the shower for an hour and all that does is help wear me out to fall asleep. Like now .. I am venting just so I can close my eyes without being forced awake by my evil thoughts. I know I have depression and have delt with it for years. But why why does it have to take my passion away from me at least then that was my escape except now I don't even take care of our house everything I loved feels worthless everything I do feels worthless ... I just wish I could be everything I wanted to be but my mind keeps drowning me