Is it selfish to raise kids if you know you can't support them and give them a good life?

Question

Is it only selfish to plan a kid when you know you can't raise it well compared to keeping one you had on accident? Is it selfish to try and raise an accidental; should they give it up for adoption or abort?
Why?
Reposted because I didn't realise I was on anon before

Answer

If they planned it knowing damn well that they were going to struggle therefore make their child struggle, yes its selfish. When you have kids, it's not about you anymore. Thinking about having a child makes it not about you anymore. I feel like people who do this don't understand the depth of the situation. It makes me feel like people think babies are accessories or something and not a human being you have to take care of just as well as you take care of yourself if not better. 
However, i think there's exceptions. Like being told "you have to have kids now or never" like my mother was. She knew she'd need a hysterectomy because she had endo so bad and it was only getting worse so at 19 she had surgery to get pregnant with me, 2 weeks later I was conceived. She struggled and I know it was hard. But everyone should have a chance of motherhood. 
Now, if I looked at my 19 year old friend and said "you should have had an abortion or gave your kid up for adoption you selfish bean pole" that would make me an asshole. Not everyone wants an abortion and that's okay. Not everyone can handle the pain of going through 9 months of pregnancy and then child birth and giving their baby up for adoption. I honestly find her admirable, because shit happened to her and she has her own place, is going to college and her son is very well taken care of.  She is BUSTING HER ASS. She even tells me it's tough and she's tired. I don't understand why you'd do that to yourself on purpose. She tells me she wish she could give more to him.

Answer

It depends on what you defination of selfish is. For example, I got pregnant with my son at 20 years old. I already had an associate's degree and was working; however, I had just met the man I became pregnant with. We choose to do an adoption, because I wanted more for him. I wanted him to have a two parent home, vacation trips, karate classes, a pony... whatever it was he wanted. I honestly believe that if we had kept him, the man I became pregnant with would not be my husband today, but that child would have had a decent life no more or less then my daughter who I had a year an half later. She is now have a five year old. Things are not always perfect. In fact we lived in a one bedroom, one bathroom up until this year. Now we have a three bedroom, two bathroom house in a great neighborhood because we used that time to save for a down payment. There was a time when I wondered if I was being selfish for keeping my second child while I placed my first up for adoption, but when it comes down to it my husband and I were at a different point in our lives and looking back now I can proudly say I don't regret either decision. It is only selfish if you do it for you and not the best interest of the child.

Answer

Well people should do whatever they want with their body, but people should try to be as fit of a parent as they can be and if they can't they should look into adoption if they know they won't be a good parent. For example, a drug addict or someone who has no money and just anyone who can't even take care of themselves.. But like again, we can't tell people what to do once they're in the situation. All we can do is offer our support and advice. As for those planning to have kids when they're so obviously not fit or in a place to have them, that I believe is selfish. Like having kids to get aid from the government or to try to fix your marriage or something.. that's fucking selfish. Creating a human being should be a privilege, not a need or a want. It's a person. They're a huge responsibility or at least it should be!

Answer

I think it's not smart to have a kid knowing you can't support one. But if you end up pregnant on accident, then no I wouldn't call them selfish to choose to raise the child. Most people don't struggle forever. They work harder, go to school, look for work, they usually do something to be able to get to a point where they can support their child. Obviously if your child isn't eating, or   or you purposely stay broke by not wanting to work and so on then yes it's selfish.  But I don't typically see that.

Answer

My fiancé is one of seven kids and his parents can't afford a single one of them. I think they were incredibly selfish to keep having children when they knew they could not provide for them. The conditions their children lived in were so horrible they were removed for a number of years and the older children are still considered foster kids since they aged out of the system while the younger 3 went back to the parents. Out of those kids only my fiancé has done well in life and he's been providing for and acting as a parent to his siblings from a very young age. He pays for his parents and honestly acts like their parent on a regular basis- he's been doing this since he was a teenager. It's incredibly sad. 
His parents of course had the right to have kids and I wouldn't want to take that away from them. But they could not be good parents. They've tried, but they've got kids that have just fallen through the cracks completely. Drugs, abusive relationships, illegal relationships, lack of education, lack of proper clothing and good food, etc. These kids did not get the basics that every child deserves to have from their parent/guardian. 
In their situation it was selfish to have kids in my opinion. Some of the kids were accidents and that's ok, but others were planned. They've also only taken steps to be better and decent parents when forced to by CPS. So in my opinion they shouldn't be parents. They have a right to have children, but they do not deserve the privilege of raising those kids because they can't and don't/haven't. It was selfish to keep having kids that they could not provide for in my opinion.

Answer

If you plan a child when you cannot provide for one, that's not very great. For me, I don't think anyone would say I'd be capable of raising a child when I got pregnant. It wasn't planned but I got up and got the help I needed so I could raise my baby. I really don't think that's selfish of me. She's in good hands. She made me realize why I needed to get help. I love my daughter more than anything and I'm more than happy to dedicate my life to raising her and making her happy.

Answer

No,not always. Some individuals strive in povershed situations. It gives them the mindset too work hard and be successful so that they will never struggle again.

Is it selfish to raise kids if you know you can't support them and give them a good life?

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