I talked to my father today and when I talk to him it depresses me sometimes. I keep wanting and expecting him to be more than what he is. I want this dad who wants to hang out with me. I appreciate him and our conversations. But he isn't the father figure I want him to be. I know that's not right but I just want a dad who wants to hang out and go somewhere. Someone who is there. Not a dad who I am there for. I'm so sick and tired of excuses.

I should appreciate that I know my dad just for having him in my life. Some people would wish they knew their father. I don't know why I crave this father figure maybe because I know who my father is. But I still look at these dads who are truly in there kids life and it's amazing and I'm not jealous of any single person who has this. I wouldn't want a girl or boy to feel that there dad wasn't for them and to cry about it even in there adult life. I just wish I had a father figure like they do.