Hey ladies, I just need to get something off of my chest. I've already made what I feel is completely the right choice in my heart, but I still feel this guilt for having even started down that road.

Let's begin. I'm 39+3, due this Friday with a little boy. At my last appointment, which was Thursday, my doctor asked me if I wanted to schedule an induction for "next week", which is now this week. I told her no, I would like to at least wait another week and then think about it. I'm a big believer in letting the baby bake as long as they need to, and that they will come out when they are truly ready. Or at least I had thought I was a big believer. Over this past weekend, my husband and I were talking. After the way I've been feeling, I've been almost confident that he will be here before his due date. We talked about scheduling an induction if he's not here by the morning of his due date(because of husband's work schedule and it being perfect timing since his classes end then.) So, I agreed. I told him I will call the doctor on Monday(today), and will see if we could get a possible induction Thursday night or sometime on Friday. If he came before that on his own, then cool. I called the nurse, and she said "there are no guarantees on those days or times, but I will call you back with a date and time from the hospital."

They called about an hour later, and said "we have induction scheduled for Wednesday at 6pm." My heart sank. I told her that I really didn't want to go any sooner than his due date, but that I will talk to my husband about it. She sounded like she was annoyed by me not liking the earlier time, or maybe I just felt like a nuisance because I had told them my preferred days. I get it, you can't always get what you want, but I guess I was hoping they would have asked me if a different day would have been okay first before they went and scheduled it.

After I got off the phone, I text my husband and let him know about the scheduled induction for Wednesday. He replied with "I'm down for that." Honestly, I was upset that he was alright with it. Because he was okay with it, I told him that I will go ahead and keep that appointment then. I didn't tell him that it wasn't what I wanted. But as soon as I said "he will be here no later than Thursday", I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I felt so sick to my stomach. I felt like a terrible human being. Only about 10 minutes had passed before I asked him to call me. When he did, I told him that I do not want to go trough with the induction. I told him I did not want to force out our son before he was ready, unless of medically necessary. I want that element of surprise... the "omg! My water just broke!" or the "holy fuck these contractions are the real deal, let's pack up the car and head to the hospital." I want the real and full first time mom giving birth experience. I honestly felt like if I went through with the induction, I was going to regret it.

A couple hours later, I called them and told them I wanted to cancel the induction that was scheduled. I still felt like a nuisance. I felt horrible for wasting their time in the first place. But honestly, I'm so happy that I am not going through with it, at least not until I'm 42 weeks (but let's hope he's done baking by then!)

I do feel much better after getting this off of my chest, and I thank those of you who took the time to actually read it. ❤️