This explains why I've always been semi-distant with my parents. I'm an only child so I tend to be close, but there's always been a barrier when it comes to deep stuff and this is why. The past few years I tend to hurt my mom's feelings with hurtful words toward her. They were generally good parents. Never absent in my life, they weren't alcoholics, drug addicts, provided for me, etc. but... I just feel a missing connection. Was this hurtful as well? I'm pregnant, hormonal, and going through some marriage problems FYI.

"You say my words are hurtful, you guys always use hurtful words. And you raised me, so you can really only blame yourselves. Half the time I don't want to be around either of you because you criticize other people for the color of their skin, their orientation or the kind of music they listen to. I have some of the same views as you guys but you act as if you're God and have the right to judge another human being based on that.

"I don't want our grandchild listening to that rap crap". Oh but your psychedelic shit promoting drugs is okay? And mom: "I don't like interracial couples like that. I don't know why I just don't." You Know Dominicans are normally dark skinned people. Is that something you turn your nose to? I'll probably never go on another cruise with you guys again. Because when you were drinking and the comedian said something about building the wall, mom screamed "Yeah build that wall!" And that was truly embarrassing. You both come off as ignorant people. But I guess that's expected since you never went to college nor took the time to travel to anywhere other than Havasu and Palm Springs to visit other cultures. And Mexico doesn't count which, is also hypocritical for you to constantly bash on "Mexicans" but then sit in mexican restaurants and eat their food when, I can probably bet at least a few of them are illegal themselves. This is the kind of hurtful words and hurtful stuff I grew up around. Hurtful things are common, and I don't understand why when it comes to things I say, then it hurts you. Because growing up and hearing that kind of stuff (and hearing it to this day, hurts me). I've gone on to realize that as a human being, it's my job to love my neighbor based on their character and not on those things I don't agree with. That's between them and God, which I am not. And that's how my child will be raise.

And when I visit, dad you constantly criticize what I watch on tv. "LET ME GUESS KARDASHIANS?" with some hateful or hurtful words attached. Another reason I don't want to be around. I suffer from social anxiety because growing up, I was never allowed to have friends over. Even to this day my husband asks me why I don't like having people over, and when I do, I'm so awkward. Because I didn't grow up with friends showing up casually to my house the way others did, and have sleepovers. All I had were my cousins. And then I made friends at school (with a limited selection because God forbid they be black, illegals, or gay) but our friendship never really went passed the school walls until I was able to drive myself and had the freedom to go places with them but they couldn't come back to the house. By then, I was already set in this pathetic way of "No one's allowed over". I hated being an only child because all I had were my Barbie dolls, racist/critical parents and then my cousins were my saving grace.

And then come to find out a while back, one of the main reasons my dad supported my decision to join the military was because he "didn't really see me doing anything else with my life". That crushed me. Well I couldn't really have too many hopes and dreams as a kid, when my parents were so close minded and critical. And even with my husband. I'm drowning and am pretty much dead inside from this marriage. I'm not the same person I was 5-6 years ago. I sleep all day and am miserable. But no one cares. You guys just push me to stay with him when I don't even know who I am anymore.

But now that I feel like I don't have to bottle all that up, maybe I'll stop being hurtful towards you in other ways because I have all this underlying anger. Sorry if this is ALSO "hurtful words" towards you. But you can't make me feel bad once again for how I feel. You can't make someone feel ashamed for their feelings."

I'm traveling for business and have blocked my husband from calling me and I sent that to my parents 13 hours ago with no response. I'm just using this time alone to figure everything out. My husband and I got into a fight and my mom got involved and took his side and so I hung up and felt so alone. She said I use hurtful words. This was my response to both my parents. Feedback please?