I'm starting to have thoughts of suicide. I've had them for a couple years now but it seems like the older I get, the worse they get. I just keep getting reason to just stop everything. A couple years ago, it was because my dad. I grew up not really knowing who he was, the court made me go live with him because my mom wasn't in a good position to take care of me, my 2 little brothers and my little sister. She didn't have a job, a car, and lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with 6 people. Oh almost forgot we live with my disabled grandma. After living with him for about 3 years, he kicked me out thanks giving break of my 8th grade year and then denies everything he did. Moving back to my moms, she was doing better and had a 4 bedroom house and a car. The thoughts went away only for a short time though, they came back when I started school. I wasn't the best looking, my teeth were messed up, I didn't have the best fashion and I didn't wear makeup at the time. I got bullied a lot, because I was the "new girl" it was the best school either... one day a girl came up to me in the bathroom, and decided to pick a fight. She threw the first punch I took it and came back swinging

(never judge a book by its cover) because I bet she regrets picking a fight with someone who beat her. Then I hit high school, same thing. Bullied because I wasn't "cute" i guess. I got braces to fix my teeth, now my mom didn't really have the money for it but she made it happen. I started to change it up a bit, homecoming was when everything changed, I never thought I would get asked but I guess one guy liked me. After homecoming... I started to dress differently, I dyed my hair, I started to wear makeup. Everything was good. Freshman year goes by, and then comes sophomore year. Here we go with the bullies, I guess the way I dressed made me a slut, hoe, etc. I didn't know wearing ripped jeans and a crop top that wasn't even really cropped was that bad. Well more then half way into sophomore year, around Halloween. We lost our house, we got kicked out because we could afford the rent anymore. My mom still has no job, still living with my grandma and living on child support my siblings dads pay, because mine doesn't. Now we've gotten help staying in a hotel form the VA hospital which is a hospital for veterans, but when they couldn't help us anymore we had to sleep in our van, on top of the 6 of us my mom decided to save 2 cats and they ended up having a kitten a couple months later. We've slept in a car, at my grandpas one bedroom apartment ( so now there's 7 people in one little room), then I had a friend that invited us to stay there for a little, but that lasted a couple months. Now we had nowhere else to go and my mom was able to come up with money for a motel 6 room. We've been homeless for almost a year now, and we haven't had much luck with finding a house, each house we applied for we just get denied. It hurts me to see my mom like this, but it's hurting me because I hate living like this, and because we're in a motel room, I can't even go to school until I find a house. My school starts tomorrow and I'm not even going. I've tried to talk to people and it doesn't do any good because no one does anything. I've over dosed twice already and I feel like if I'm gone it will take some stress off everything because I knew the decision I've been making are making my mom more stressed:( I don't know what to do. I just want a happy family, a warm home, a better life.