So when i found out i was pregnant i was super happy my back then bf was too, i was excited and everything was just perfect for me i couldn't ask the Lord for more until depression hit me again... yes, again! Back in 2013 With my first pregnancy i had prenatal and postpartum depression only went a couple of times to see a therapist then i felt she wasn't helping me so i left, i found other ways to push that depression away, reality was that i only numbed it 😔 so, i was always emotional with this last pregnancy sometimes i would break up with my ex for "no reason" he would tell me it was ok that he understood it was because of the pregnancy(i wanted him to be with me at all times, he lived 20mins away and i wanted him to understand how sad i felt. sometimes i would feel insecure of myself and that he could end up leaving me with a baby,THAT was mi biggest fear...of getting

left now with two kids) i was 4 months and a half along and was anxious to know what i was having, were both. In one talk i remember asking him what he wanted and he said a boy but that he knew perfectly well and knew i wanted a girl and i saw him somewhat upset. We didnt last long together i broke up with him because i wanted him by my side and he would always tell me we were gonna soon be together and i wouldn't see actions so i got tired of false promises, he didnt do anything, he just let it happen (no i didnt want him to beg me but id atleast wanted him to not let it happen just like that, honestly id wish he'd stop me ) time passed i spent all of my pregnancy on my own he never text or called to see if i was okay not because of me but for the baby, i even wanted him to be involved in my babyshower, i invited him and he didnt show up. Two months later (aug 16) my beautiful angel was born .when i was going into labor i let him know my baby was about to be born and also no response. It was okay with me because i had been seeking help from my therapist and i was coping with how things were, but my baby had to stay in the nicu due to high bilirubin level and she was breathing too fast, i asked God "why again?!" (My 1st also stayed in the nicu) i felt miserable 😞i thought of contacting him but i didnt because i thought if he wasnt there to see her the first day so i didnt. I text his sister she always wanted to know about her she would always ask for her, and i was more than happy to let her know how she was doing. Now two days ago i sent my ex a pic of his daughter and i asked if he would like to meet her he said yes i do shes so beautiful, again i sent another picture yesterday he was in love with her but i was thinking of baptizing her maybe in a month and i wanted him to be involved in it, because he is the dad but also because i want his sister to be her Godmother so i wanted to speak to him about it idk if i did wrong if i should stop trying to this, honestly im hurt still and i do love him after everything i went through and i would love to have my family with him i would love for him and i to be able to raise our daughter together but if it cant be i know and i understand, but most important i want to have a good relationship with him because of our baby i dont know if im doing wrong ?