My L&D; was great. Our rainbow baby girl was born a healthy 6lbs 4oz on August 15th. The nurses and doctors in L&D; were absolutely amazing. I plan on sending them a catered tray with a card they have no idea how much they helped me and just how wonderful they were. I was induced Sunday 13th, had her the 15th at 6:09am and found out I showed signs of preeclampsia so I had to stay an extra day and be hooked up to a magnesium drip before I could be sent upstairs to "mommy baby recovery". I stayed in the hospital a total of 5 days and it was a vaginal birth. Immediately, after birth, she latched, with the nurses' help. I actually was able to feed her for 45mins but day 2 she wanted to cluster feed and due to all the pitocin and the fluids going to my feet I couldn't feed her it slowed my milk down. So we supplemented with formula until i could get upstairs to do the breastfeeding aid. The lactation consultant came down and helped and told me about it so it was wonderful and I had hope it wasn't over. The doctors and nurses in mommy baby recovery however had a different plan. I had the lactation come in and help me and she was wonderful. She left and then the dr came in with two nurses next to her and she tells me,"we support breastfeeding we just don't support YOU breastfeeding." She must have said that 10 times. "You're on some medicine that we just don't agree with you breastfeeding." I've had approval from my doctor I've done extensive research and it's safe with my dosage and she got an even higher dose in utero. I told her this and she wasn't having it. She called my dr and I got the impression they got pretty informal on the phone. She tells me "the impression I got was your dr told you that as a compromise saying 3 months instead of one year" and that is not the case at all. She never said anything of the sort to me. so she comes back and tells me "well, we support breastfeeding we just don't support YOU breastfeeding so we're going to take out the breastfeeding aid and take away the lactation consultant and bring you some bottles and formula." And that was that. I lay there bawling my eyes out and the nurses and lactation consultant are telling me "it doesn't make you a bad mom you can choose to do what you want if you want to breastfeed you can" I told them "you're telling me I can choose but you're choosing for me you're taking away everything, giving me bottle and formula, and saying I can choose but you're choosing for me" the nurse responded with "we just care about the wellbeing of the child" I told her "she's my daughter no one cares more about her than I do" and she just looked at me. I'm laying in bed in tears, just gave birth, and now I'm bullied into formula feeding until they released me. Then the day they released me the lactation consultant comes in and gives me a paper on "how to dry up your milk" and tells me "you're just doing the best you can with the body you were given." My whole stay in mommy baby recovery was traumatic and here she is almost 3weeks and I'm going to have to hire a lactation consultant. I feel like it's too late and I'm a failure and honestly it's causing problems with me breastfeeding. Anytime someone asks me about breastfeeding I start crying. I need some hope. I feel like now that she's had formula constantly there's no going back. 😞 I've never felt like such a failure before or less of a person even though I did nothing wrong. I honestly feel like the lactation was bullied into it as well. She let it slip that she told them with the breastfeeding aid it's formula not breast milk so at one point, at least, she was on my team but I just feel like a failure now and don't know where to start.