Am I wrong?

Last year a tough year for me, in total, I went to 5 funerals but I had about 10 people close to me die. On November 28th 2016, I got the news that an ex of mine had died and I didn’t cry, at least not at first. Early November 27th, around 1 or 2 A.M., he was shot in the back of the head and was killed instantly, together or not, we were close, our families were close. After he died, of course I mourned him but then I stopped, it just felt so much lighter but now that it’s about to be a year in 2 months, that feeling I had the day I found out keeps coming back which upsets my husband, I can’t help how I feel but now he’s ignoring me and won’t talk to me, is it my fault?? Am I wrong?