I haven't been trying to conceive a very long time, only 5 months which is a drop in the bucket for some, I know. But I'm feeling lost, confused, alone, helpless and hopeless. No one outside of me and my SO know we're ttc, so I don't have anyone to bounce thoughts off of or question when I need help. I don't want to go to my SO because I already feel like a failure and couldn't bear a look of pity from him or worse him thinking that if I can't even handle getting pregnant how could I handle being a parent. I'm doing everything you should be doing while ttc. I gave up caffeine, I'm not drinking, I'm eating healthy and getting sleep. I'm tracking my bbt and using opks. I'm taking prenatal vitamins and B6. Every month the high of a positive opk and the lows of each BFN are so exhausting. I don't know what's going wrong. Ive read on other threads that it will happen when you stop trying or when you least expect it and I'll swear I'll stop over thinking and tracking and logging, but then it hits me that so much of getting pregnant is out of my control that I can't give up the things I can do. Every month I think I got a handle on things, then something changes or my chart is confusing and I feel lost. Like I'm being punished for every time I said I never wanted to have kids earlier in life. I hate logging into Facebook and seeing so many pregnancy and baby related posts. I know at the end if I ever get pregnant it will be worth every minute of the journey I just don't see the end in sight. Sorry this is long, but I just needed to vent.