Trisomy 18 and impending loss 12wk5d

Week 10 and 6 days I went for an ultrasound of a cyst on my ovary. While checking the cyst the Tech noticed a possible birth defect in the baby. Based on the ultrasound my Doctor ordered blood work which came back in 6 days, rather than the 2-3 Weeks which was expected. It had indicators of Trisomy 18.

Yesterday we met with a genetic councilor and did a CVS (placenta biopsy) to make 100% sure of the diagnosis. Today at 1:00pm the results came back as expected.

This has been the hardest week of my life. I have cried more than I thought was possible.

To know that my baby inside of me will no longer be is beyond words. I don't even know what to say, all I do is cry. I am going forward with the D&C; Tuesday, as I know we need to move forward to have a healthy family in the future. It is easy to say and hear that, but I don't feel it. I feel like a part of my is dying, because it is. I have loved this baby for 3 months. He has been my world for 3 months, I saw my whole future with him. Why is that being taken away from me. It isn't fair! It just isn't fair.

People keep saying "everything happens for a reason," "You are so strong" and "God only gives you what you can handle." If I hear one more person tell me how much I can handle I am going to scream. I never imagined I would be mourning the death of my unborn child. How does a person get through this? How do I make it 6 more days carrying him inside me, knowing what is coming? How do we start again knowing something like this could happen again? I feel helpless.