I have had depression on and off since I was nine. I have always just dealt with it, I can recognize it for what it is so I make sure to take good care of myself. I sought out professional help in my early 20's but I cannot stress what a disaster that turned into. I took myself off of meds and have been doing fine for years with the exception of two small bouts of depression. My husband and I have been ttc almost two years. We miscarried twice, once before we were trying a few years ago, and then just this May. I don't know if I will ever get pregnant again and if I do, I don't think that I could survive another miscarriage. What is the point. Why would I want to continue existing with my heart so broken. And I know from my previous experience of seeking help from a doctor that if you say these things they are under legal requirements to place you in a facility to be monitored. Then they release you, write a prescription, and take your money. I draw my strength from God, but I cannot lose another child. I haven't told anyone my thoughts or feelings but I know nobody would be surprised. I know nobody would judge me. I just want to go be with my children.