I feel like the third time around it is harder and easier at the same time. We were so blessed because our first two just sort of happened. We just said "let's see what happens" and we got pregnant right away.

Trying is a whole new world for us. But before we ever had any kids I wanted some so badly. I would have been happy to get pregnant on the honeymoon! I remember that feeling of intense longing, and the overwhelming fear of it never becoming a reality. I was charting then to prevent pregnancy and found that I have a short luteal phase most months, so I was worried it would be difficult for us to conceive.

Now, I know that I can resign myself to our family staying the way it is. I have two beautiful children. It's easier in that respect. I've experienced pregnancy and nursing and babies, twice. I will be ok if it never happens. The fear isn't overwhelming. It's more a feeling of sadness that it might not happen again.

But the longing........ Oh my goodness!! I KNOW what I will be missing. I know what it feels like when they move inside you. I know how painful and amazing birth is. I know how sweet it is to hold them to my breast. I know what it feels like to snuggle their sweet little, warm bodies close to mine. I know how their heads smell so good and how it is impossible not to kiss their tiny faces all day. The longing for that, the ability I have to vividly remember it all, how badly I want to experience it all again and have another unique, tiny human. It is so much harder this time. Because I know exactly what I might be missing.

#pleaseletitbethiscycle