I miscarried my 1st pregnancy earlier this month. Yes, this baby was a surprise but now I've decided I want a rainbow baby so bad. I am 27 years old. I waited for the right guy, a house, and until I felt I was stable.

Now that I have lost my baby I think I am just bitter and mean.

I don't understand why a girl I went to school with can get her first 2 children taken away and then birth her 3rd in prison. I don't understand why the girl I work with, who's a hot mess anyway, have 3 children and 3 baby daddies, and 2 boyfriends and just received a foster child. My best friend, who is definitely ready for children, just announced she's having a baby girl, and I want to be so happy for her but right now I am just jealous and mean and this is not me, not my personality.

I just want to be happy for everyone, and I am on the outside, but inside I am just not myself.