Low self esteem

I don't know how to start I been trying to loose weight for so long I've always been overweight since I was little. I was always bullied by my cousins growing up because I was fat. I was always looked down by what I called "friends" because I was always bigger. Boys always liked my friends but I never knew what it was to be given a valentines card or someone liking me while I was in high school. I've always felt horrible. I met my husband in 2013 and I was slim not skinny but I felt somewhat comfortable {180 lbs] got married had my daughter in 2014 got on birth control and sucked bad cause I started gaining weight. Tried working out so finally I stopped getting the depo shot in 2015 my weight being 200 lbs. 3 months ago I fell in a bad depression all I wanted to was sleep I finally went to the doctor and was given medication I feel so much better now BUT I can't seem to be motivated to loose weight whatsoever. I weight 225 being my heaviest ever I feel so disgusted at myself.

I don't like going out I feel anxious and I feel like everyone is looking at me because I'm fat I don't even like going to my parents or in laws house.

I honestly can seem to have any motivation I try for a week and the next i can't keep going. I even feel like my husband doesn't like being with me cause I'm fat now. I know crying about it it's not gonna help and I try but I just don't know what's wrong with me I have no energy and no motivation. I don't even feel comfortable with my clothes nothing looks right I just feel

miserable. 😪😪 I don't wanna fall into depression again. What do I do ??? 💔💔

I was 190 here 😪