My pregnancy wasn't an easy one. It was our third baby, but my most difficult. I had severe hyperemesis starting around 9 weeks, hip pain so bad that I struggled to walk, then starting at 32 weeks I began having prodromal labor, which for me was daily, timebale contractions. The contractions weren't always unbearable (though at times they were pretty awful), but they certainly woke me up at night, and made it so much harder to live a normal day-to-day life. I struggled to feel a connection to my baby, I was terrified I wouldn't love him like I love my other 2 boys. For the first time, I was more scared than excited to meet my baby.

About 4 weeks before I gave birth, my mom did and said some horrible things, which added to my stress and anxiety, and it was never really resolved. I tried standing up for myself but it blew up in my face, so for the sake of keeping my stress levels as low as possible, I let it go.

Finally our baby came, I had a natural birth, it was beautiful and wonderful and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. But we immediately had a house full of people. For days. So many people. Looking back, my husband and I should have said "no" more. But we were so proud and excited over our baby and we wanted to share that with everyone. But then Baby was having a hard time nursing. It got bad. Especially because for what felt like at least the first three days, I rarely got to hold my baby. Which exasperated the nursing issue. So many people, and I was trying to act like everything was ok. My mom had a really bad attitude for at least the first day because she didn't make it in time for the birth, even though she took more than an hour to get ready to go (we were only 30 minutes away). And because she took so long getting ready, she hit rush hour traffic, which is why we called her when we did, thinking she'd leave right away and miss traffic. So she was mad that we didn't call her sooner, and that made her miss the birth, and my mother in law was there before she was... the list goes on, and so did her bad attitude. Here we are 11 days out, and the struggle is more real than I've ever felt. Thankfully Baby is nursing like a champ and has gained almost all his weight back. But my emotions are shot, y'all. I feel guilty about the nursing issues we had at the beginning. I'm hurt over my mom's behavior. She never told me she was proud of me. My sister in law just had her baby today, my mom has been gushing over her and my brother, about how great everyone was and how proud she is. Posting all about how great my sister in law is for going natural and how great the baby is. And I feel guilty for even being hurt by all that. By feeling slightly jealous that my baby and I never got any of that, all because my mom is petty. I'm proud and excited for my brother and sister in law, too. It's just been a lot to deal with the past 11 days, and it's the first time I've really experienced PPD. I've talked to my husband, he's been a tremendous support, and he's helping me understand that it's ok to be going through all of these crazy emotions. That it'll just take time. And that he's here to help me.

So I'm here telling all you other ladies who might be struggling - it's ok. You're going to get through this. WE'RE going to get through this. No matter what else going on around you, you're strong enough to overcome it. Our circumstances don't define us, they just make us stronger in the end. And it WILL end. Whatever drama is happening, whatever you're going through, whatever you're hurting about, you CAN and you WILL overcome them. Reach out and talk to someone. It doesn't matter who it is, as long as they'll love and support you. Just find someone you can cry to, talk to, or just sit in silence with.

❤️