im mostly here to vent. im not sure what's going on with my emotions lately. my husband and i decided to ttc #3 recently (we have 2 boys already so trying for thr girl, i am seriously outnumbered in my house lol) today i was watching pregnancy announcement surprises on youtube and couldnt stop crying. i was never able to do a super fun announcement with either of my pregnancies i actually kept them pretty secret (for 6 months with my first) because my bf(now husband) and i werent in the best place financially and we didnt know how everyone would react so we avoided it at all costs. and sure enough nobody was super excited or happy, immediately making me feel horrible and at my baby shower i felt even worse. my mother argued with me the whole time and i left crying.

i got pregnant right after having my first(irish twins) and again told no one. at that point both of us were working and we were doing fine. my husband decide to go back to school and we moved in with his parents to save money. i had my second son and we did everything to make sure my husband focused on school, i worked my ass off amd we saved everything we could.

fast forward to now. 5 years later.

im 28 and he is 30 we are married now(august 25th 🙌) have been out of his parents house for awhile now both kids are in full day school (🙌) and we want another.

i just feel like if i were to get pregnant i want to do a fun announcement because i am happy and i shouldn't care about what others think. but in the back of my mind im still so upset that i wasnt able to actually enjoy my first two pregnancies and i am so worried it's going to happen again.

::sigh:: stupid emotions