Why are we so high and low?

Question

My fucking fiance and I have the WORST lows ever. We both suffer from depression and PTSD (his from Iraq and mine from rape). So some pretty serious issues. I take medication for it and he smokes weed (illegally for now, he really needs to get his card). But sometimes we hit a budget wall and can't afford weed. Or my prescription runs out before I refill/forget/daughter steals it because it sounds like a rattle. Usually either one happens but this week they both happened. Neither of us were medicated and things QUICKLY went from him being super sweet and cleaning the house for me 4 days ago to this morning we were both hitting each other and yelling and saying awful things. We have been fighting the last 4 days too. Finally my medicine is back in my system so tonight we tried to reconcile and have sex. That was amazing and he went off to work with a kiss. We still didnt get weed because of budget issues. But holy shit. Im sitting here thinking how much of a random roller coaster this week was and I dont even know what to think right now. This doesn't happen often, last time was Fourth of July and time before that was a year ago. It feels like we arent even the same people though when it happens. I plan to escape him and take the kids and he threatens to kill me.... but right now ( not even 24 hours later) I could never do that to him, nor do I want to. Wtf.
UPDATE: So I left him. I didn't mean to offend you guys with the comment about my medicine and her thinking it sounds like a rattle. I leave it on my bedside table in the same spot every day and I guess I should move it. I never thought she might be strong to open it, she's only a year. As far as why i left their are many reasons and I will probably make a different post about all of that. I just dont see this as permanent though. My issue is that I can see the problem with the situation and he doesnt. I have the same point as you, I dont want the kids to see us like this. I dont want to be treated and talked to the way he does.

Answer

Doesn't sound like a very stable relationship to me. Domestic violence from both parties in the presence of a child is disgraceful, as is threats to kill. Plus you mentioned that your child used your medication bottle as a rattle - not good. What if the lid came off and then your child ate your medication?! I think you would find that authorities would be on you like flies around shit. In addition to all of that, your other half smokes weed to cope with his depression and PTSD?! Does he not know the common side effects from smoking weed?! Not ideal to self-medicate with weed for such a condition and I'm not sure his doctor would prescribe this either. It sounds like you are both as bad as each other and your relationship is toxic. Think of your child when thanks going on eh?!?!

Answer

There's so many highs and lows because it's an abusive relationship. Abusive, make up, oh it won't happen again, and then abuse. It's a cycle. In your case it's Abuse, get back on medication, oh we shouldn't have done that, and then abuse again. 
I would like to mention, letting your child use a medication bottle for a rattle (and her apparently getting it open, because you used it as an excuse for lost pills) is absolutely stupid on your part. Do you not have anywhere out of her reach to put it, or do you just not care? Step up, she could be poisoned. It's also not hard to remember to refill it. You need to put in effort to be responsible.
I also suggest that he actually gets on something legal (aka, see a doctor and get properly diagnosed and treated), because he could go to jail for what he's doing and it could cause the authorities to consider if its a safe environment for your child if they learn it's a constant thing and that it's done around your child. Again, another bad parenting move. 
It's also not safe for your daughter to be in a house where the people around her abuse one another. It's not safe for her, physically, mentally, or emotionally. And again, it could make the cops wonder if that's a safe place for her to live if they were to find out (a neighbor calling the cops, etc.) Again, another bad parenting move. 
You need to be putting your child above anything and everything else. You need to be doing everything in your power to provide her with a safe, stable, secure environment and from this post, it doesn't seem like you are. That should be your main concern, even above your concern of 'highs and lows' of your relationship. 
Now; I also suggest counseling, proper medication (aka, learning to budget so you can afford your medication consistently, and him actually being properly treated), and anger management for both of you. It's clear you need help with self control, that you need to learn proper communication skills, and that you need help learning to cope with your PTSD and other issues. 
In the end, unless you both put forth 100% effort to be properly treated and learn to truly change, I don't think you should be together. It's not safe for you. It's not safe for him. It's not healthy for either of you. And above all else, it's a bad environment for your child. 
You both need to put actual work, effort, and time into taking the proper steps to being healthier people for your own good.
I have a feeling you'll disregard this, because posts like this seem to normally just disappear and are ignored, but if not, please seek professional help for the wellbeing of both yourself and your child

Answer

I can relate to you. I suffer from mental illness and when I don't have my meds I am a beast and my fiance has some issues going on but in denial. He is so good to me and I love him so fiercely but when we fight its sooo bad. How can two people love each other so much then boom next thing you know hands are swinging yelling and ugly things are being said. This happens more often then it should. We talk and make up but all I think is till when this happens again. I take the blame for most of it but he has his nasty ways too I won't put up with so we fight. We have a 4 month old daughter  together and he is good to me so I forgive as he forgives me but this has to stop. It's so unhealthy. I not giving up cause I want my family but these drag out fights something has to stop. I wish y'all the best luck

Answer

Your prescription shouldn't be so easily accessible to a child. Wtf?!? Also, your relationship is toxic. Y'all need to get away from each other and seek individual therapy.

Why are we so high and low?

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