No one ever tells you how fucking hard it is for some of us to get pregnant. Everyone is announcing left and fucking right that they are having babies, and I’m just sitting here lying through my teeth that I’m still on birth control, so that I don’t have to explain that we’ve been trying for a year and nothing, because it just makes it easier. I know I should focus on my goals and my progress but it’s so so so hard when I see all those beautiful little humans in the pictures, smiling at the camera, or cooing...

I’m just so sad. My husband is leaving soon to go on a deployment and I’ll be left all alone once again. Waiting for a year for him to come home to a home full of silence, and only the two of us...

another day alone at home.

I hate it. I hate it.

I know I shouldn’t rely and let this consume me but I have nothing else that I desire than this. Ever since I can remember I wanted a big family... and nothing. Again.