Compromising Marriage

❤️Jonnie❤️ • 26, Engaged, Student, And has a different opinion than you and that’s okay. 👌🏻

So I had the big talk with my boyfriend for the first time last night. After a little over a year together, I worked up the courage to ask if he would like to get married and/or have kids some day. And I'm so glad he did! He was so understanding about everything I want, and I understood what he had to say, and we decided to play a "whatever happens, happens" approach after I get my Nexplanon out in 2 to 3 years. I expressed to him I didn't want it renewed, and we'd be close to 30, so I'd like to start my family and he said he wouldn't mind have one or two children with me and would love our little family.

BUT

I'm not super religious or anything, but I do like the traditional marriage before children approach. I don't want to offend anyone by wording it that way, it's just what I've always strived for and what I want, so I asked him about marrying me one day. He said he's a day by day sort of person, and loves spending his life with me and will be more than happy to for the rest of our lives, and he doesn't need a marriage to prove that. If I want a ceremony, I can have one, but he doesn't want any government involved at all in our relationship. Now that is where I'm struggling just a bit. I'm over the moon he even agreed to a ceremony in the first place because I always figured he was a court house kind of guy, but I'd rather have no ceremony and get to marry him if that's what he'd prefer. To me it's sort of heartbreaking? I asked if he didn't want me to have his last name and he said we can change it other ways if I want his name.

He's all afraid of taxes and blah blah blah money and stuff, and all I can think of is one day being denied to see him in ICU or something because I'm not legally his wife. Is that how it works? Or will taking his last name still count as the same? Any advice on how to work out a compromise on this? I think his "fix" would be letting me have a ceremony but not involving government while I could really care less about a ceremony if it meant I could just marry him. 🤔