I went in for a planned csection which would be my 3 section but 4th baby. They (surgeon and doc) asked me about 20x if I was going to get a tubal which I refused the first 12x and then signed the consent (required to sign 30 days prior to surgery even if you later choose not to). My fiancé later talked it over and chose NOT to get the tubal as we wanted one more baby.

I went in for surgery, while in they commented on how great my muscle tone was and minimal scar tissue. I jokingly turned to my fiancé and said well we can have a few more sounds like. I delivered a 8lb 8oz baby boy who we found out had a true knot in his cord....scary so we were very thankful he was healthy. We went back to recovery, then our room no problem.

An hour or so passed and the nurse came in to do the belly palpitations/massage we all love, ouch! I felt like something was wrong. They kept bringing in more people and massaging so incredibly hard I was screaming to stop. They gave me multiple medications to stop my bleeding but it wouldn't stop. My son was 3 hours old and I had to hand him to his dad and be rushed to emergency surgery to be opened back up. I woke up around 8pm. I was told that I lost my uterus to a hemorrhage and had received blood transfusions... a total of 4. I still have a hard time talking about it or knowing my days of being a new mom are over. I struggle with severe anxiety and moments of depression. I constantly have to remind myself I have 4 beautiful healthy children and that's something to be very thankful for. I'm unable to see my doctor or surgeon because the grieving process makes me angry at them.

My son taught me a lot about love and appreciation. Slowly learning to also take things one day at a time ❤️