I've had three miscarriages. although they were not late and not as horrifying as late miscarriages can be, I am still pretty upset.

I had an anxiety attack because I got my period while I was vacationing and could not Test for pregnancy. I was freaking out about whether I was miscarrying again or not.

I've had fucked up dreams where I give birth to a kitten instead of a baby. I also dreamt that I miscarried an older fetus and held it in my hands as it gasped helplessly for air and died.

sometimes I feel like I just don't even want to try to get pregnant anymore. I feel like this is never gonna happen for me.