Domestic violence do you think of a guy hits you once he can change?

Question

I’m not sure if this has been posted or is against the rules (don’t kill me in the comments if either has happened)
I’ve never been hit in a relationship ever but so many women I know have. My advice is usually to always leave even if it’s the first time because I know it can get so much worse. I watched my mother time and time again get beat to a bloody pulp no matter who she was dating and I would have to save her and then take care of her after.
But if a man hits you once do you think that he can change to never hit you again? Also if you had kids with him would you co-parent or seek full custody?

Answer

Sure. Some people can change. Doesn't mean you should wait around to find out.

Answer

Abusers typically get worse as time goes by. Rarely do they change for the better. Best thing to do is LEAVE.

Answer

I wouldn't bother waiting to see if he could... me and my children would be outtie x

Answer

They probably can change, but it wouldn't matter anymore because if it even happened once that would be it. I would want full custody because if he can hit me then he will probably hit them at some point as well.

Answer

Yes, they can change. My husband has managed it, though it's taken a lot of effort and patience to get him there. And still, it's not straightforward. But he is now the best person I've ever met, a year ago I did not know anyone worse than him. But his responses were because of a messed up upbringing and he recognised that he wanted to be nothing like his dad. He couldn't even understand why he was acting the way he was. I tried to leave loads of times, but couldn't. Until eventually, I managed to take control of the situation. And everything is really good. He's constantly working on bettering himself.
I should make clear though, I would consider mine to be a rare case. If anyone has that horrid realisation one day, that they are actually a victim of domestic abuse, I would say don't think twice. Pack a bag, grab your PlayStation and your cat, get the hell out and never look back. It's not worth it.
I should also mention that things 'only' got physical the once. And maybe half more.

Answer

They won't change. and even if they do why be with them if they did something like that in the first place?

Answer

in my experience no they don't change just get worse

Answer

No. I think there's probably a few rare cases where they do, but it's not worth waiting to see. I was abused by my ex boyfriend for a very long time. He started out by just manipulating me and controlling what I would wear and who I could talk to. Then he started becoming aggressive but not completely violent. He would pinch me or bite me or twist the skin on my arms. He'd hit me in places people wouldn't see and where he knew I wouldn't show anyone. Eventually he stopped caring where the bruises were. I know it's hard for people to understand why victims of DV don't leave, but it's really difficult to. I tried to leave him so many times. He told me he'd pick me up the next day and if I didn't go with him, he'd pick up my sister and rape her or hurt her. I'd tell him to leave and he wouldn't. I was so afraid of him. I heard so many times "I'm sorry. I love you. I won't do it again. I'll change. I just want to protect you." blah blah. It escalates nine times out of ten it doesn't get better. They don't get better. They don't stop. The only thing that stopped him was prison. I wasn't allowed to be home alone because he would always find out. He would drive by my house constantly. The one day I was finally left home alone, he made his way in. He raped me, kicked me, hit me, bashed my head against concrete until I was unconscious. Some guy found me on the side of the road and called the police. I was in a coma for 17 days. Luckily there's not really any permanent damage aside from slight brain damage regarding my short term memory. I don't mean to be annoying or attention seeking by saying all of this, I just want people to know the reality and severity and why it's not wise to wait and see if someone will change. It will probably just get worse.

Answer

If my SO hits me even once I’m out and taking every living thing in the house with me

Answer

I think they *can* change, but does that mean they will? If it's at all possible, I think they should be left after the first time.

Domestic violence do you think of a guy hits you once he can change?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey