I had a panic atrack, this is what anxiety looks like....

Today I was supposed to start my new job. At my local casino as a housekeeper. I been working on my paper work for 3 weeks and going back and forth to get what I need for this job. Paid $150 for my uniform and spent my last bit of change for gas. Today I was supposed to start work. I woke up in a good mood,I prayed and I was good to go. When I got to the casino, I ended up getting lost. It was no biggy. Well, I finally found my way in. I went to clock in and my number wouldn't work so I asked for help. The lady who helped me said she'd talk to someone. But I needed to go to this meeting that was getting ready to start. So, I went in there and there was about 50 people in the room. I went to sit down at a table and this Spanish women pointed at my name tag and started talking to her friend in Spanish. The women said something to me, and I couldn't understand what she said. I asked her to say it again and maybe I could figure out what she was saying. Again, I couldn't hear her then she finally yelled out "YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE,NOW GET OUT". And she put her hand up and shood me away ,everyone in that room laughed at me. I walked out, and I was trying my best not to burst in tears. I tried brushing it off and go on with the rest of my day. I went to the office and noone was in there. Someone was supposed to be there to help me with my first day. I stood there for 5 mins waiting and people just kept walking past me and not helping me at all. I started to panic a bit, and with that lady yelling at me didn't help. I could feel the tears in my eyes. I walked down the hall because I was just about to walk out and go home. I seen the manager the one who I was supposed to meet with. So I went back to the office to see if he went back in there of course he didnt. So, now I really did panic. I couldn't breathe and my vision went blurry. Everyone who passed me just starred and I was just trying to get back to my car. I got lost on the way back. And I was trying my best not to burst into tears till I got to my car. I got all hot and sweaty and was trying my best to get my breathing back on track. Once I got into the elevator, this old couple asked how long I've been working here. I told them today is my first day. They congratulated me. They made me feel a bit better. But once I got to my car I completely broke down. I had tears running down my face. I couldn't breathe and everything went black. I was trying to call my bestfriend, but we're it was early in the morning she was asleep. I cried all the way home. Not only because of my panic attack but because I hated myself for walking away. I hated that I had such a good job waiting for me and I turned my back because of some bitch of a women. Lucky me, i have a husband who understands me, and when i got home he just held me and sais everything will be okay. 💗 I can't go back. I can't show my face. And I hate myself for it. I hate my anxiety. I hate the way it controls me. So for those who don't now what anxiety is, for those who don't know how it feels. And for those who fake anxiety because you want attention. This is the real thing. 😔