Dear kyle,

The day you kissed me so many things fell into place, and the day we shared our bodies with one another many more. I knew for certain that you could never know any of this, but I think I love you. Everything you do puts me in awe. The way you walk as if the world is such a happy place. The way your smile has a way of making me feel like a warm fall day, and the way you greet me as if I'm one of your favorite people in the world. I love all of it. Even the slight lisp you have, and the way you bunch your face up when your agitated.

But I realized as I secretly cried alone in the next room from you that I'm not the girl for you. Sometimes at night I cry in my sleep because the memories of my past are too much to handle when I'm awake. I walk around with constant fear in my heart that something (anything) might break me, and I'm so messed up that i find it so hard to let people in, and that's not what you need.

You need a beautiful soul who will compliment yours. Someone who can tell you her secrets and not have you look at her with a deep sadness. Someone who's not so damaged she can put actual energy into loving you, and not just holding herself together. Someone who your mother will invite to family dinners because everyone just loves her charisma. Someone who one day will actually deserve to be smiled at like she is your favorite person.

I love you so much that i can step aside and let that lucky girl find you. I love you enough to pretend that I'm just not that into you. I love you enough to hide my scars and smile everyday as if I'm just as bubbly as you are. I love you Kyle i really do, and it pains me so much, but it's because I love you that I have to leave you. 🖤🖤