There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have sat in the NICU and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.

I will marvel at my surviving miracle everyday for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to a phone call from the doctor, to an alarm going off, or because I am crying tears of fear of the unknown.

I will be happy because my baby is alive and crying out for me.

I count myself lucky in the sense;that God has given me the insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a preemie with medical issues, or physical challenges, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I have been tried by fire and hell that many may never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding on tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Bottles

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