With the Las Vegas shooting, TRIGGER WARNING. the tons of videos leaking like acid all over social media...my heart feels like its being crushed.

Im over being mad about it. Everyone else around the world can feel that way for me. Being mad does nothing.

I know this is probably the millionth post about this recently but I need to talk about it. It's affecting me more than it should, because it had nothing to do with me and doesn't actually affect me so in a way I feel selfish for what I feel. My only justification for that is, my soul hurts deeply by the people who just went out to enjoy music and are now no longer alive because of it. Because their families had someone they loved ripped from them for no fucking reason. I have been watching mass shootings pop up on the news my entire life and I'm only 21. It just hits harder and harder every time surprisingly, and I feel like nobody is actually safe anymore because nothing, absolutely nothing will be done about it. Nothing will be done to make sure things like this don't, or at least happen less often. Well just see social media fights, he said she said, it's your fault and their fault. Everyone's sad and next month everyone forgets about it. I'm glad I'm a recluse that stays in my home and reads all the time. at least, I won't get shot in the head for it. At least, I won't be one of the bodies in these videos that plague social media. Those people deserve better than that, you know? Than to be one of the bloody faces the world gets to see and gawk at. I hope that if it were me, someone would put down their phone and stay next to me while I died. Just be there for me so I wouldn't have to feel alone in my last moments.

There was a video a guy made, walking around victim to victim, trying to help but it knowing what to do. one being a girl who looked no older than me and just the look on her face. It isn't fair, she had her whole life ahead of her. Someone robbed her of that. She deserved life. She deserved a simple night out for a concert and to go home, safe. I saw myself in her, I saw my friends. And my heart broke. It broke for her, what she had lost (her life and future) and what her family have lost.

My heart is so broken and I don't know how to cope with this because I don't know why it affects me so deeply and more than that I don't even know how to respond to any of this like how am I supposed to feel? I wasn't taught in school "how to deal when a mass amount of people die in a terrorist act for no real reason 101"

I don't know what to do. I feel like throwing up. Thanks for reading this far if you have.