We’ve been together for almost 8 months now. We met on tinder last spring and didn’t meet until six or seven months after communicating via Facebook, (mostly) Snapchat, and text. After about a month of hanging out and agreeing that we were seeing each other exclusively, my best friend sent me a screenshot of her matching with him on tinder. Before I asked him about it, he told me that he thought he matched with my best friend on tinder, so of course he didn’t lie about it. I got upset that he was still using tinder, and the next time we saw each other, he deleted his account in front of me.

We were seeing each other for three months before going official. During this time, I asked about a friend that I (assumed) he liked because he’d send me pictures of her on Snapchat before we met and called her cute. He’d also send me pictures of his ex. So when I asked about his friend, he said he didn’t like her anymore...he liked two of his other friends, all girls in his “squad” from school (same department, they all just graduated college). He still remains friends with them but he says he doesn’t talk to them anymore. I have met two of these girls and they’re really nice, but I still have an issue about it.

Back in late March, a little over a month of us being official, he went to a bar with his school turned to celebrate someone’s birthday. One of the girl he liked was there. He was flirting with her over text, and she sent him a selfie. She didn’t know about me—didn’t know he had a girlfriend, didn’t know he was even talking to someone prior to us being official. I didn’t know about this text conversation until going through his phone while he showered some time in August. Since then, I haven’t gone through his phone; I’m afraid to see something like this again.

We went Facebook official in mid April. Before this, only his guy friends knew that he was talking to someone or had a girlfriend. That Facebook relationship post is how his female friends, the three girls he used to like, found out about me.

In May, him and his school friends went to stay in a cabin. He invited two of the three girls (one of them was part of the original group that planned out the trip, the one that he’d send picture of on Snapchat). The girl that was part of the original planning ASKED HIM to INVITE ME. She could invite me but he couldn’t?? So he’d rather ask two of the girls he used to like to go rather than his current girlfriend...I’m pretty sure he still liked her during our relationship.

I was with my ex for a year and a half. He was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and a liar—he always talked to girls behind my back. He wasn’t over his first love, he went to meet someone he still liked after dating me for a few days, and lied about keeping in contact with her. He told me he stopped talking to her but he didn’t. He also had a thing for my sister (who hated him), and he still liked his best friend. He told me not to worry about her. Even after a few years of being broken up, I laugh—he comments heart eyes emojis on her Instagram and Facebook pictures.

Back to current bf...

The day he asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him that I wouldn’t wait around forever and if he didn’t ask me to be his girlfriend by a certain date, I would drop him. I guess that’s why he asked me to be his girlfriend late that night. A few months later, he told me he felt pressured to ask me to be his girlfriend.

I know that people’s feelings change after some time, and he told me that if he even though he felt pressured, if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t be here. Still, I can’t help but feel hurt and feel like our relationship only started because he felt pressured. I keep questioning if that’s also why he didn’t tell any of his female friends about me—because he wasn’t sure of his feelings, because he felt pressured, because he was still trying to figure out if he wanted to be with me months into our relationship.

I feel like by now, I should be over it. But I’m not. I cry every time I think about these things, and I can’t go a day without thinking about it. I worry every time I’m with him. And I can’t smile or laugh like I used to around him because I just feel sad that I’m not good enough, that maybe he’s ashamed of me, or still feels pressured to be with me.

The first time he told me he loved me was in March, around the time he was flirting with that girl over text. We were drunk but after talking to him about after he said it sober, he said he meant it then and was scared to admit it because I wouldn’t have said it back. I love him. Very much. But its overwhelming, I feel like I love him more.

I need to to get over everything, but I don’t know how. I told him about this last night, and he asked me if there was anything he could do to make it better. Truthfully, there’s nothing he can do now. I don’t know what to do to move past it.