Trying SO hard to not get my hopes up.

I have SO many symptoms. I feel different. I've asked many people about my symptoms and they seem to think this is it. My boyfriend even has his hopes up (although he won't admit it). But despite everything telling me "YES YOU ARE PREGNANT SWEETIE, THIS IS IT." I can't believe it. I am so terrified to test out of fear of the dreadful single line. I haven't missed my period and that's almost the only symptom I don't have. I do this to myself every single month and every month that AF shows (almost right after I take a test), my heart breaks into a million pieces. Every month I log onto Facebook and see another friend getting pregnant or having their bundle of joy. But not me, why? Why isn't it my time? Why is it others time that does it on accident? Why not me? Why not us? Although I am hopeful this month, as well as obviously every other month, a part of me knows it will be negative. I have cried over the test I haven't seen yet. ****UPDATE 10/5: Testing tomorrow morning!! Wish me luck, I'm a nervous wreck.

***UPDATE 10/6: Took a test this morning and I'm not sure on the answer. Going to take another in 2-3 days. Ugh, tell me I'm not crazy?

***Last update 10/6 @ 7pm: AF just showed, 4 days early at that. I should have known. The line on the test is probably evap or indent. Oh well, doesn't matter now. I will NOT symptom spot this cycle (I'm lying, I probably will lol). My boyfriend just went to work a couple of hours ago and I just dread telling him. Right before he left I asked him if he was even a little excited over the line and he said he doesn't want to jinx it but yeah he was...this sucks so bad. This is why he hates TTC. We both felt like this was our month. Well, no baby for us June 2018. Just want to congratulate those who got their bfp this cycle! Hope to be joining you soon!!