I feel Ruined

So my last relationship was very emotionally abusive, and it was only a FWB relationship. I couldn't leave because I loved him so much and sadly still do. It only ended because I met a guy who is so sweet. Throughout the relationship he sent mixed signals, never used a condom, threatened to cum inside me, signed me up for a gangbang without my permission, it never happened, treated my anxiety and panic attacks like it was no big deal, and made me feel used after sex. He wasn't always that way and could be very very sweet and caring. My true breaking point was when he told me I knew he loved me when all he ever did was say how he never wanted to be with me. I'm so happy it ended but I feel like he ruined me, and I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend. I've never known what it's like to feel loved but he makes me feel that way. But all the thing that seem obvious to him, like staying after sex, are so foreign to me. I just feel if he knew everything he wouldn't wanna be with me