This is a story for the modern pregnant woman. This is for the ones who don't have it all figured out. The ones finding new jobs, the unmarried, the freaked out and the tired. I'm not sure if anyone will read this, but if you're out there, you are not alone! This is my messy story- full of run on sentences and poorly used punctuation. A parallel to life I suppose...

Chapter 1: Boss B****

Hey there, I'm Brianna, a 33 year old single woman who started up this business with a couple of my friends 2 1/2 years ago in Seattle. We came out from LA, bought a music venue and went through the arduous, thankless and penniless process that is following your dreams.

Sounds great and looks pretty sweet on paper but the reality is that it’s October 6th, I have $800 in my bank account and my rent, which is due the 1st of every month, is $990. I have $3000 in credit card debit, my cell phone is on a family plan with my mom and brother, and my dog, Nancy, is almost out of her big bag of $60 grain free wild bison whatever the hell fancy dog food she likes. I owe my family about $125,000 for investing in my stupid dreams and that number pales in comparison to what my partners owe their friends and family. It's a real party.

Chapter 2: Bumble

Up to this point, I've had this life that looks pretty awesome on the outside. I've been a single young thing dating all the sexy band dudes who were rich in hipster good looks and talent but were usually living out of a barely functioning tour bus down by the river. The classic hipster or homeless paradox. As glamorous as that sounds, I wanted to try something new. That's when I decided I should take advantage of the fact that I live in Seattle, the tech and start up capital of the country. Maybe I could meet some dudes with jobs, perhaps who might live alone or dare I say, own a car made after 2005? Anyway, it took about 5 minutes to set up my Bumble account (the feminist Tinder) and I started swiping.

Chapter 3: Tom

Then one fateful night I met Tom- white, thirty year old, Orange County born, head hunter/recruiter guy, Tom. I decided to meet Tom on a Friday night after he wooed me by texting "I really just want to get naked and see if we have any chemistry. "

Taken by his beautiful sense of the English language, I ghosted on my ladies night at midnight and told Tom to put on his fancy sweats pants cause mama was ubering uptown for a drink. He thought I was kidding but no no, I was not. I got out of that Toyota Prius, thanked Mohammad for the 5 star ride and the sweet jams, then walked into the agreed upon Irish pub to meet my new dream boat of the moment. I saw Tom at the bar, slid in next to him and started talking about whatever fell out of my mouth.

Long story short, we dated for a week and promptly ghosted on each other before anyone caught the feels. A love story true to our time.

Chapter 4: The Test

So I continue on with my life. It’s summer and I’m out at all the events, making new friends, drinking tequila and rose, going to the gym 3-4 times a week, you know— basically killing it. I’ve got a couple potential matches on Bumble and started some banter about the quest for the best burrito in Seattle with some UW med student, things were looking up. Then it got a little weird, my boobs were huge but there was no period in sight. I began mathing out some calendar time tables and that's when things got real.

So rather than completely freak out, I decide to walk down to the bodega on the corner with Nancy to get a pregnancy test. Nancy needed to pee anyways. So I get down there and of course the guy behind the counter is the weird one who never makes eye contact. We were the only ones in the store and I tried to be cool and act natural so I grabbed a coconut water and casually said him before checking out, “While we’re at it, can you grab me a pregnancy test?” ..... because OF COURSE they were stashed away behind the register next to the cigarettes like they were OxyContin or razor blades or something 💊🚬🔪🤰🙄

Let me tell you there was nothing smooth or comfortable about that interaction. I don’t care how much of a feminist you are. I buy my own condoms and forgo bras just because I like the way my boobs look in certain shirts and its comfortable. I do what I want because I’m a grown ass woman, but buying a dollar pregnancy test at your neighborhood bodega from a 58 year old man cashier is NOT a normal interaction and it was weird AF.

So I walk home, pregnancy test in hand because this is Seattle and why would I ask for a plastic bag??? Nancy is bouncing around making friends with every passerby while I uncomfortably laugh and call her to stay close so she wont run into oncoming traffic (clearly already killing it at being a dog mom). As if this wasn't the most awkward walk home ever, I find myself accidentally waving with my coconut water and pregnancy test box to these strangers playing with my dog. Like what?! What was I thinking? Their faces went blank and they shuffled off. If you ever want to creep people out, do that. Just walk down the street with your dog off leash in sweat shorts and a tee shirt without a bra, holding a coconut water and condoms while waving around a pregnancy test…. Well I didn’t buy condoms that time around… I added that because it would have been the only other thing aside from a bottle of wine that really would have set off my look.

I finally get home and run into the bathroom, open the box, read the instructions, pee into a shot glass because it was the only clean glass in my house, take the dropper and drop 3 tiny piss drops onto this little fate sealing crystal ball made of sh**** plastic. I looked at the two lines that showed up within less than 2 seconds of being submerged in my urine and was convinced the test was broken because it happened so fast. I started pacing around my apartment then ran back to bathroom to pee again, not because I wanted to take another test but because I legitimately had to pee. That had been happening a lot lately. So I started doing what you do in this situation. I sat on my pink toilet in my pink tiled bathroom googling the accuracy of the particular brand of test I took and looking up pregnancy symptoms, like frequent urination.

Chapter 5: Today

Well here we are! I'm approaching 4 months pregnant and Tom to my utter shock and amazement is 1,000% pumped for the baby. I'm not ready to jump into a relationship with him but a strong coparenting plan is where we're currently at. I'm definitely taking this day by very scary day.

I love this forum and these panels but I have to ask the question, WHERE MY MODERN FAMILYS AT?!

I love the married couples and the sweet beautiful stories of two people in love but seriously, this is 2017. Where are the pregnancy announcements for the harlots like me? Where are the Jezebels looking for support with the struggles of daily single preggo life. Work, finding new jobs, starting new careers?! I want to meet you ladies, see your beautiful bumps and hear your stories.

Me today 👇🏼