I need help😞

Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 2 years and we just broke up again over a joke i made. I really love him and i keep crying, im trying to build an emotional wall for myself but its really hard, i lost my virginity to him and i really dont wanna let him go because he’s my first love. I keep chasing him but i know that if k stop chasing him, he’ll probably come back to me. Can someone please help me ? Anything? Advice?